I’m moving back to LA.

For how long or exactly what that entails, I do not know. I’m trying ever so hard to be okay with living in that uncertainty. In my daydreams I thrive on uncertainty. Gypsy-wanderer style. But in my current, everyday reality, such massive uncertainty freaks me the hell out.

To be fair, I am prone to anxiety. I’m working on it.

I don’t have the specific date of departure yet, but it looks like I will be leaving in the end of April and road tripping it out to Los Angeles.

Annnnnd....enter overwhelm.

Here I am attempting to plan what should amount to a truly epic cross-country road trip with my best friend, and yet all of the questions and details have turned me into an insomniac.

Because here is the thing: I’m going out there without a job. Without a fully developed plan. I mean, I have a partial plan. I have people that I can stay with and the intention of subletting over the summer so that I don’t have to buy furniture or commit to a lease until I find my footing, with just enough money to do so. But just enough. I will need to figure out an income stream fairly quickly and that is stressful.

I’m from a family that ensures that everything is already worked out ahead of time, instead of trusting that everything will work out in time.

Yes, I am the token risk taker of the family, and I generally like to be flexible and care-free, but my genetics and upbringing betray me and the secret truth is that their fears and concerns do affect me.

Interestingly, I’ve got their support on this one. They know that I have spun myself a tangled web of frustration and restlessness that needs to be broken. They trust that this is a good move for me. Beyond good-- necessary.

But then what?

I’ll admit that I hunger for my adventures to include a lot more international travel. That is certainly the goal. But, seeing as how I generally want to see EVERYWHERE, I also want to explore more of the U.S.A. This is a rather large country, after all. There is a lot here.

A cross-country road trip is on my bucket list and here I am planning to check it off. That’s amazing. Plus, I am going to Charleston in a couple days. Hopefully, Boston next month. And then I’ll be road trippin’ it. I even have potential plans to go up to San Francisco for a few days in May and I’ve always wanted to do a pacific coast road trip as well. So maybe that can be the plan for now. I’ll get my wandering in state-side first. I’ll gypsy around the U.S. and enjoy some domestic hungry adventures. (And get a job of some sort, of course.)

Instead of stressing over how to make everything work out, and how to include all of the epic adventures that I want to have IMMEDIATELY, I will be excited about this change.

(She says because, “Words are the first step towards deeds!” Right, Liz Lemon!)

In truth, writing this all down is helpful. It pulls the words out of my brain and removes some of the mental clutter. Between this and some newly revamped sleep hygiene, I’m starting to be able to fall asleep before the wee hours of the morning.

Progress.