I have a tendency to try to fix things. On some level this is a positive quality. For one, I give pretty spot on advice to my friends and family. I am incredibly adept at being objective with other people’s dilemmas and when something really does need to be done, I’ve got ideas, suggestions, and different ways of looking at an issue. (Of course, my own life is a different story.) On the other hand, viewing us as beings that require fixing really isn’t conducive to creating a safe space for people to heal and feel loved. A situation can be fixed. A table can be fixed. We do not need to be fixed.
The words that we choose when describing a situation are important. They shape the conversation. The word "fixed" can sometimes carry too much negative connotation.
The truth is that no one needs to be fixed, because we are not broken. Even if we want to alter something about how we are living our lives, we are not inherently a broken product.
We are whole and complete, AND there is room for transformation, movement and change.
I love this idea. It was completely novel to me when one of my teachers taught this concept. The idea that these two possibilities could coexist blew my mind.
How do we live this truth? How do we remember that we are whole and complete while we are attempting to transform in some way?
1. Remove judgment words
The way that we shape the conversation about whatever we want to change is incredibly important. When we talk about ourselves (or others) we shouldn’t use words like “right” and “wrong,” “good” and “bad.” You are not a bad person. Even if you feel as though you have made mistakes, you have the ability to make new choices going forward. The way you have been living your life isn’t wrong, it just may not be serving you. This approach is much kinder and more likely to help you achieve the shift that you aspire to.
2. View bumps in the road as necessary lessons
So what if it took years to realize that a relationship, career path, daily habit etc. wasn’t working for us. We know now. Let’s chalk it up to a meaningful life lesson and be grateful to be on the other side. Regret is unhelpful and paralyzing. In grade school, we used to get gold stars for learning new things. Instead of lamenting that we didn’t miraculously know everything from the beginning, let’s celebrate our new education. We figured it out! Now we can move on.
3. Love ourselves
I tend to harp on this one a lot, but if underneath the stumbles and frustrations we can still look at ourselves with love and compassion we are going to be able to move forward. No matter what it is that needs to shift in our lives, a small detail or a considerable overhaul, we are whole and complete with the innate power to transform. I’m quite confident that this mentality results in much more action and success.